The ideal scenario is that you fly to India, visit the orphanage and they help you find your mother.
The reality is quite different.
We fully understand that many adoptees want to do the search themselves. It enables you to set your own pace and be in charge.
And it gives the impression that you can save money.
But that is an illusion.
5 Reasons Against Searching on Your Own
1) Some adoptees have got together with journalists, conducted an investigation and then found the original family. This can work but it is fraught with risk as journalists simply don’t have the social work experience that is required to assess a situation and avoid creating a problem (e.g. when an unmarried mother has covered up the story and got remarried).
2) in case your mother was unmarried, the search should only be executed by someone experienced, holding a masters degree, being capable of searching discreetly and be able to handle issues in case something goes wrong. The average indian person who may offer you assistance may not be able to do so.
You yourself almost for sure not.
3) It is very difficult and frustrating to find the right people who are willing to help you. Then when you have found people to help you, are they really capable`? The initial response is often, you are so lucky to be adopted and have such good life in the west. People may also take you to temples or astrologers so you find peace etc. Navigating India, it´s system is not even easy for someone educated and grown up in India. Most of the people do not know much about adoption, the process, the history etc.
4) Hire a lawyer. Some hope that by hiring a lawyer they can solve their case. Let´s be clear, only those lawyers who are involved in processing adoptions know really the details of the laws. Other lawyers have hardly knowledge about it. Those involved may not really help you. Even though they may pretend. You may be misled.
In fact you ll have to educate the lawyers on the laws, regulations, crimes and practices. You will have to do the main research work.
Lawyers in India can charge almost whatever they want. They can also tell you a nice price and later on find reasons why you ll have to pay more, maybe justified maybe unjustified. A court case can drag on for 3-10 years or more. Lawyers may also initially seriously work for you, but at some point be overtaken by the otherside. This are normal pitfalls in any judicicial system.
We have been through this. We fought cases through the courts with reliable lawyers, changed the system and can now solve most cases without a court case.
Our social worker just completed her law degree and is therefore a lawyer too.
5) Costs maybe its cheaper to do it on ones own.
Well as a starter, take a pen and calculate. Most people who search by themselves and in most cases give up after sometime, go at least 3 times to India.
Here a template:
3 flight tickets
3 x 3 weeks boarding and lodging
3×3 weeks local travel
3×3 weeks lost income ( that point most people forget in their calculation)
3 x 3 weeks local translator ( most people do without – but fail)
What amount do you come up with?
